Till I become nothing
by SupaaFly
Summary: My eyes are burning, my mind is telling me to look away but my heart screams to just watch, because I deserve this. Because this is all my fucking fault that he is with her. I want this pain as an etеrnal reminder that I helped Ino make Sasuke, the boy I was ready to die for, fall in love with her... OOC / Modern time story / I don't own Naruto.


When you love somebody aren't you supposed to be the happiest person in the world? Shouldn't there be some warm and bubbly emotion deep inside of you? Like your whole day becomes better when this special one is near, or like how the face of Naruto shines so bright in the presence of his dear love – Hinata? Then why I feel so miserable in this place? How is it possible that I want to hide in some dark dark room, far far away and never come out? Why do I hate it so much, _so much _when I see him with her?

My eyes are burning, my mind is telling me to look away but my heart screams to just watch and do nothing, because _I deserve this. _Because this is all my fucking fault that he is with _her. _That she is sitting on his lap, giggling. It is my fault that they are together, that they even met. And I do deserve all this shit because I let it _happened_. That's why I'm standing there, pretending everything is ok and that it is still me, the same happy and positive friend they had. Because I _should be _and always would be the supporting friend.

'What a coward you are.' - I tell myself. Was I always that _stupid_? Thinking everything will be alright, that there is a happy end even for me. But no, it is way too late. My heart is already broken, already torn into pieces that can't be put together...ever again, ever. But I still pretend. I still smile. Even though there is nothing left inside me, not even a reflection of the old, so naïve and stupid Sakura. No. Just emptiness. I hope it will remain that way. Because I want to feel nothing but the bitterness left inside me. I want this _pain._ And I have no one else to blame but myself. And I do it. Every. Single. Day. I blame myself- Sakura Haruno, of helping my best and most dear friend – Ino Yamanaka to make Sasuke Uchiha her boyfriend. I helped her to make him fall for her. There were no mistakes made. No. Because Uchiha was my childhood friend. He was the boy that knew me best just like I used to know him as well. He was the one that was there for me whenever I needed him.

He was the man I was so _desperately in love_ with.

It is our second year in university. I, Sakura Haruno, the most prestigious medical student in KU, was sitting in the usual lunch spot of my friends and me. Except this time, the person that has broken my heart is not right beside me. No. He is in the hands of the only girl that I could not hate for stealing him away from me.

For years I was silent. Never spoke about my feelings, I was so scared that he will push me away, that our precious friendship would shatter. That's why when Ino confessed to me her love for Sasuke, I said nothing.

When I think about it, maybe I was hoping he would decline her like every other girl he did for years. I was _desperately_ praying for that, and I remember how Ino barged in my room crying. She was so miserable, so broken. After confessing to him nothing good had happened and inside me I was happy. That's when I felt disgusting...so ashamed of my awful thoughts. So I helped her. I helped Ino make Sasuke, the boy I was ready to die for, fall in love with her. And now, 6 months after that, I felt like nothing. Like absolutely nothing.

I should be happy that my two most precious people in the world were together. Were in love. And that was what teared me apart. Because I was not.

I tried to forget him. I tried to stop be friends with him. I tried _everything._ I swept with so many guys, just to get _him _out of my system. No drug, no alcohol, no anything was strong enough. Because even though this raven black eyed boy was with my loud mouth friend, he still was there for me. He still would walk me to my dorm. He would still kiss my forehead and wish me goodnight. He would _still _sense whenever I was down and would try to help me.

He would look into my eyes, pierce me with his dark orbs and this will be my destruction. Every time. It's those eyes and this masculine presence of his that will always remind me of how stupid I was to never tell him my true feelings. For that I couldn't find it in myself to hate him or her. I was the only one to blame. Me and only me.

So I pretended. And I did it well. Just like always. No one had a clue of what I felt. Of what empty shell I have become. And that's alright, they don't need to. I have no right to break their happiness. Here I was talking 'excitedly' with my four friends, discussing our lectures and professors like normal university students. And I will keep this facade till I felt nothing. Till I became nothing. Till the image of those two lovers in front of me was just...nothing.


End file.
